I do all sorts of fun tricks. I can send you sheet music for a song I wrote. I can send you a recording of a 32 bar cut the night before your audition. You can say to me, “Hello John I would like to do California by Joni Mitchell for an audition but I want it to sound reggae. Can you make sheet music of that?” and I will keep my comments to myself and make that for you. You can say, “I am doing a Cabaret night and have a large amount of musicians and can pay you handsomely to write charts” and I will skip off into the sunset, clicking my heels together and grinning from ear to ear.

Please do not send me a picture of myself from the future getting beat up by a clown. I would hate that so much.